My life is simply that. A weaving. We live in small town USA and I'm living a life I love…

Looking Back…

Ten years have passed since this time ten years ago. Brilliant thought I know. This coming weekend is a biggie… September 11 is a day that scarred and reshaped our nation in a new way and at some point this week I hope to remember that day on here simply for my sake… but not today.

Ten years ago though I was a new mom. Maddie was six months old (or she would be tomorrow…) I remember feeling like I was babysitting because at that age I didn’t feel like it was parenting… more like caring for a child. (I still feel that way… and as my kids continue to get older I continue to think, “I THOUGHT I was parenting when they were ?? age, nope… that was nothing. THIS is parenting.”)

We were working in a business and doing really well for ourselves. We were experiencing a blessed time in our life. We drove two cars that were less than two years old, we were in the process of remodeling our newly purchased home, we were serving in the church I grew up in… it was simply a positive time.

Looking back… (isn’t that a phrase… it’s an accurate one too. The only thing we can do is look back. We can’t repeat the past. We can’t undo it. We can’t change it. We can simply look back.)

Ten years ago had we known what the years ahead would hold I’m sure we would’ve acted differently. We didn’t know that we were in the calm before the storm. We didn’t realize that a few of the waves that we would feel in the next year would only be a ripple compared to the monsoon we’d face the year after. We had no clue how much our lives would be shaken up. No clue.

Looking back I’m completely torn up over that year. There were things that if I’m honest I’d probably do differently. Would we have redone the entire house from top to bottom knowing that we’d be completely broke within two years and we’d be moving out of it in three… probably not. But, that would mean giving up the hours of working together on that house… everyone in our family helped us on that house. We spent hours together and I loved it…

The list could go on but the bottom line is. We can never look back and redo. Today I don’t miss that house. I don’t regret that house but I don’t pine for it. I do cherish the memories in that house though. It was the calm before a storm and it was ten years ago. Ten years seems like an eternity. I feel like I can accurately say I’ve lived an entire life in our past ten years from highest highs to lowest lows… literally.

And yet here I sit on my couch, in a parsonage in a town that I barely knew existed, serving in a church that I love with people I love, and we now have three children. I don’t think that God purposefully orchestrates terrible things and events in our lives but I do think he allows and leverages them to His glory. Would we be here in the parsonage without our past. Nope. Probably not. Why not? I don’t know… I simply know that my past has shaped my current stage and my future days… and I will continue to thank Him for the blessings, whether big or small.


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