My life is simply that. A weaving. We live in small town USA and I'm living a life I love…

Drowning…

There are times I feel like I’m drowning, or at the very least feel like I’m one step from being certifiably insane.  Last week was one such week.  The last month has been crazy… but last week almost sent me into the psych ward at our local hospital.

To say that Im’ not sure why would be a lie… however, there are parts of me that wonders why.  (I think it’s part of the sickness… :o)  Truth be known.  I say yes to things.  Truth be known.  When I get busy and stuff has to get down I don’t delegate well because it takes TIME to delegate and therefore I feel like I’m wasting time…  However, I’m wrong.  Dead wrong.

Another truth.  I have too much on my plate.  However, what do I push off?  The things I place on my plate?  The things my husband puts on my plate?  The kids?  Friends?  Church members?  What things can be taken off?  This ran through my head constantly early last week.  Constantly.

Last Monday, I had a conversation with a lady that I respect more than words at our church.  She is someone who is the epitome of  prayer warrior and has been dealing with her own set of struggles lately.  She said something that struck me.  She said, “I don’t know why I’m surprised at [the outcome] because we have been praying like crazy and I know prayer is powerful.  Yet, I was/am still surprised.”

Earlier that morning I had listened to a message by MacDonald and he made the comment that God can only fill what we give him…  THEN, I was looking back through the archives on LEading & Loving it and ran across the interview by Amy Groeschel and she was talking about prayer …

All last week I kept getting hit with it in the face.  Over and over and over again.  Hmmm, was there a sign that I missed?

One of my biggest anxieties has been over finding the RIGHT volunteer leaders for several things at church.  I KNOW they are there.  I KNOW they are wanting to serve.  I KNOW they are ready to serve.  I am thoroughly convinced that more people would be serving if we asked them the right questions and gave them the opportunity.  Not everyone… because some people are grouchy.  Some people have got so much on their plate they can’t even fit a toothpick on it.  And some people are going through seasons where they are barely hanging onto and are simply unable to serve at the moment.

That being said… one thing I really enjoy is thinking outside of the people that come up first in your mind for service opportunities.  Most of the times the ones that come up first are already serving somewhere.  To me… it’s a gigantic puzzle and I find great satisfaction in being able to put pieces in place… step back and see the beauty.

So… back to my anxiety.  I had several holes that desperately needed filled… but filled with the right people and I was seriously developing ulcers over it.  All of this prayer stuff started hitting me on Monday and I realized that that is one thing I truly hadn’t prayed for.  I had said the, “Oh, Lord I’ve got to get these filled… it’s killing me!” prayer but not the, “Okay Father, you know who can fill these positions.  I need to you to bring them to my mind or bring them to me.  Prepare them so that they know they can serve in this capacity.  I can’t do this…  but it needs ot be done. So please, have at it.”

Cool thing… Tuesday afternoon I checked off two of the spots.  I also heard from a volunteer that they could resume serving in a different area and while it wasn’t a position I was fretting about… it was one responsibility off of my plate.

My holes still aren’t all filled BUT… God reminded me of His faithfulness and offered a brief refrain from the desperation that was overwhelming me.  AND, He whopped up on me for my prayer life…

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2 responses

  1. I totally know what you’re talking about. Everyone is always getting on my case about how I need to delegate things but they don’t realize that delegating is often harder than just doing it myself. I have a special coffee mug that I drink out of every Sunday morning. It reads “Note to self: STOP volunteering for things!”

    Praying you figure out how to de-clutter your plate and find time to rest in God’s hand this week.

    28 April 2011 at 9:52 am

  2. Praying peace for you. I have been where you are. 🙂

    2 May 2011 at 10:04 pm

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