My life is simply that. A weaving. We live in small town USA and I'm living a life I love…

Borderline…

Before I go on my thought, I will post a picture of my little man’s first day of school… he’s done great and seems to be loving it.  I will be ever grateful for God intervening for us last year and causing us to wait a year to send him to kindergarten.  I think that is one decision that will have a lot of benefits down the road.

Now you could say I’ve been borderline, on the fringe, close to the edge… whatever word you want to use I think that’s me right now.  You may know the feeling… it’s the ‘I’m close to jumping on the circus wagon because it seems like it may be a little more manageable than my life right now’ or the ‘I’ve got to maintain my lists so I can maintain my sanity’ or ‘I CAN do this, I just can’t waste time’ or ‘I give… what can I shove out the door’ feeling…

I seems like in my life we go in cycles…  we’ll have a full-spin, fifth gear few weeks and then it simmers down and we have a cruising in second gear couple weeks to recover, but my life never seems to be evenly spaced well and I was kinda feeling overwhelmed/guilty/?!? over it last week and I realized something.  Now, when I first say this please don’t jump down me… I’ll further qualify because it could totally go against the grain…  just read me out…

As I was contemplating everything on my plate right now last week I was seriously thinking, okay, what can I possibly eliminate…  where can I relieve pressure right now…  then I was reminded of something that someone once told me…  “To whom much is given, much is required.”

I don’t feel like I excel at any one area but I do have to acknowledge that God has blessed me with some diverse gifts.  I remember one night I was whining to my mom about playing the piano, I was probably in middle school wanting to quit lessons and we ended up talking about gifts and talents.  She spoke to me that night told me that that gifts and talents that we’re given, if we choose not to use them for God’s glory, He can remove them…  needless to say I kept at the lessons, #1 because my mom said and #2 because of what she said…

So back to my borderline spirit… so I get that I cannot be everything, I cannot give everything to the ‘outside’…  outside my family… I can’t do everything… because my family would suffer.  My children would, my husband would, my home would, my sanity would…  But, I think for me it’s a matter of organization or at least a straight head.

I’m entering, not I’m full into a really busy month…  in fact, my stomach’s been pretty knotted about it for the past week.  Last week the kids started school and that has been a wonderful reprieve… and they are thriving right now…  and my only option is to really just stay at my list and press forward.  I have felt confirmation about each ‘thing’ on my plate for now but I’m holding them all loosely because if it doesn’t work I need to be able to let it fall by the wayside…

So, as I continue in my borderline crazy day…  press on.  There is such an urgency in life, because life is truly short.  Cherish the slow times but work the borderline times knowing that we have eternal consequences for each choice we make…  I don’t want to ‘build the kingdom’ on the backs of my children, nor do I want to use them as an excuse for not being able to do something…  so onto the balance beam… watch the dismount, that’s the clincher.

Advertisements

One response

  1. Love your advice. Love what your mom said about gifts and God taking them away. I can see her kind face sitting down with you, years ago, softly providing that advice. I always loved your mom so much.

    I’m proud of all you are doing. College, Pampered Chef, The Patriarchs (which you will LOVE, btw), and on top of it all, being a first rate mom.

    2 September 2009 at 7:39 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s