The Calm before the Chaos…
I’m sitting on the couch while my hubby and oldest two are outside in the cold putting up the Christmas lights. Last year, we didn’t get them hung because we moved the week after Thanksgiving and I was over 5 months pregnant. A lot of the extras didn’t get done. (Complete, unrelated side note: The new WordPress Dashboard is confusing right now… I’ll get used to it…)
The house is pretty much picked up, not perfect, but a good, acceptable picked-up. The refrigerator and pantry is well stocked. There’s soup in the crock pot, I just took rolls out of the oven, there’s only one load of dirty clothes (granted there are about two loads folded to be put away… have I mentioned my nemesis?) It’s peaceful right.
This holiday season we have so much to be grateful for… God has given us the desires of our hearts in more than one way and has provided amazingly for us. We have been blessed beyond belief. That being said, I really feel like I’m being attacked right now be Satan very heavily. Some of it I know I can ‘justify’ as ‘normal’ but ultimately, either I’m being attacked or Satan’s just enjoying watching the ‘normal’. I’ve been pretty emotional the last couple days. I love the holidays and part of the love is the stuff that goes on with the holidays. The staff parties, the gift exchanges, the Christmas programs & musicals, the cards, the candy, etc… I am very attached to tradition… that being said, this year is nothing like any year before… There is no normal it’s all new and I have felt (key word: FELT) so melancholy, lonely, and lost the last couple days it’s unbelievable and overwhelming.
The hard part is (and I realize that there are old and new friends reading this) that I don’t feel like I can verbalize or talk to anyone about it because a) once I start thinking about it, let alone talking about it, I lose it… that’s not cool, b) I feel like I’m diminishing the blessings GOd has given us… and I don’t want to disqualify them at all…
Anyways, I just had to admit that someone.
I need to rescue Sophia before she chews through the power cord for the laptop… neither Soph or Daddy would be happy about that… then we’re bundling up and heading to ‘Country Pines’ to pick up our tree! (YIPEEEEEE!)