My life is simply that. A weaving. We live in small town USA and I'm living a life I love…

Sitting in the Dark…

Well, the title’s pretty simple… I’m sitting, okay, laying in the dark in our bedroom in a quiet home finally posting.  Life has been pretty busy the last couple days.  We had lunch with the staff today (pizza from Christies…amazing :O)  and then we packed up Stephen’s office.  He’s taking tomorrow off (trying to use up the extra vacation time he didn’t use, what you don’t use… you lose) and he’ll be taking some of his books over to his new office.  

I’m sitting here, my hands are idle because really I don’t know what to say.  There’s a lot here (heart, mind, soul) but very little in communicable…  Yesterday at Bible Study we watched lesson two from “Stepping Up” and she makes the point that psalms/songs are able to express emotions and experiences that we can’t in other means.  I felt like saying, ‘amen!’  

While driving Charlie and Maddie to and from school last week I had Travis Cottrell’s cd in the van and listened to it…  I have several favorite songs on the cd and the rest are good.  However, on Thursday I actually listened to the words of one song that I hadn’t previously and it blew me away…

***OKay, so I searched for many minutes for the lyrics online so I didn’t have to go out to the van last night and couldn’t find them, I still don’t feel like retrieving the lyrics so I’ll just have to post them later…

Needless to say, the song has touched my life in a real way (it’s called “Falling” off of his “Found” album…  which is a great CD.  Also, totally off subject, he has songs from his Christmas album on his website and it sounds amazing… it almost makes me ready for Christmas :O)  

Anyways, this morning has seemed normal.  Everyone is at school/pre-school and Sophia and I have just been able to relax.  Stephen took this morning off to start taking his books to the new office.

It’s just plain weird…  It hasn’t sunk in yet that after Sunday, everything that has been in theory, or one day, or down the road, etc. will be reality.  Everything that is a known today, will be an unknown next Monday (okay, not everything…  there are a lot of constants but…  you know what I’m trying to spell out.)  The Sunday night that we, I say we, it wasn’t me that had to read Stephen’s resignation…  I wouldn’t have wanted that job if it was the only thing left on earth to do…  we were pulling out of the parking lot and just kinda looked at each other.  It was one of those life altering moments that goes beyond the point of return…  and no matter how at peace, how much confirmation, how sure we were of this new direction, it was still overwhelming in the sense that there was no turning back.  We are embarking on a road we’ve never traveled on.

“Stepping Up” has been such a timely study for me in this season.  Last night I did day one of week two and it spoke volumes to me.  I won’t give you the whole run down because I think you should do it yourself… it’s that good.  But here’s what got to me…

For many years now Stephen and I knew God was preparing us for the next step.  We were never sure when that next step would come, we knew we were in a holding pen…  Most of us have a love-hate relationship with the places we’ve gotten our mail, but God intended to use every stop to equip us as servants.  I wanted to shout for the rooftop when I read that because YES, I can attest to this very thought.  Charterwoods Blvd, Valley Oak Ct, Wolf Ave, W Marindale Rd, Jackson Rd, Stonequarry Rd…  each address (physically and each season in our lives that each address represented) equipped us in a new way, sometimes painfully but always profitably.  

You have been assigned to your town or your city, and equally it has been assigned to you.  Yes, Father God.  

God fits us with our personalities, uses our pasts, and plants our feet in places to fashion us into servants who can do some good.   …   Each of us has a different heritage God uses to fashion us into the servants He wants us to be.

Those two lines were also…yup… ahhh… argh… lines.  It’s exciting to know that God has fashioned me for his service.  I can’t wait to jump in with both feet… not necessary start into everything, but simply to immerse myself in FBCNL… get to know the people, soak in worship and teaching, and just experience it.  God to know it.  Live it.  Breath it.  Love it.  That being said, I’m still nervous, scared, feeling less than capable, anxious, etc. but I am claiming the promise in 2 Timothy…

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  (2 Timothy 3:16 & 17)

I am praying for such a hunger for the word of God that it can’t be forgotten or put aside…  I know that the Word of God will thoroughly equip me… He has already but a lot of effort into me… and I am assigned to this here and now


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