I’m up in my favorite time of night and it’s raining outside big time… how much better could it get? My entries over the past couple weeks have been weak to say the least… On one hand, we’ve been extremely busy with VBS which could justify it… on the other hand, we’ve been extremely busy with VBS and life and I haven’t carved out the adequate time for my walk with my Father… no excuses there, just regret.
I recently ran across a blogring called Married to the Ministry and it has many different blogs by pastor’s wives and it has been such a cool thing for me. Here, in the great state of Ohio, I have many friends, a few very close ones, and one, maybe two that can identify with the married to the ministry stuff… My friends have been placed strategically in my life and have grown even more precious to me and my family over the past year… But the coolest thing has been browsing through the blogring and stumbling across one and realizing that, “Holy cow… That’s what I mean! That’s it… I’m not the only one!” They have also served as a place of challenge. I read many of them and realize that I have far to go…
We (collectively as a blog-audience) were encouraged to pray Psalm 84 today. I have read through this Psalm what I love about the Psalms is that in different light they speak differently… always communicating from my Father…
How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and flesh cry out for the Living God.
Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may have her young– a place near your altar.
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
They are ever praising You. Selah
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs.
The autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty.
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Look upon our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
O LORD Almighty,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You.
Many things within that psalm peg me tonight as I sit in the quiet… from the line about the sparrow making herself a home and a nest for her young – there is a huge part of me that desires being settled. We have a home right now, it’s not our house, but it’s our home… but it’s temporary. I desire our forever, retirement home… my desire, in time… in our Father’s time…
She builds her nest so that her young can be near the temple… oh Father, I have seen all to often, with friends and aquantances, those that get mangled from the ministry… please, teach me to always place my children first and to be a mom… hedge my children in so that they learn to love you Father, so passionately that you can use their strong wills and stubborn streaks for your glory… they’ll be strong for You, I pray.
Oh Father, look upon our shield and be with your annointed… Father, only you know who is coming to pastor our church… protect him and his family. Prepare them for the challenges that lay waiting… begin to prepare the hearts of our people, friends and foes alike, so that we can pray for the man you are calling to serve here.
Blessed is the man who trusts in You
This one verse alone is hard… man it’s hard. I want to know where I’m going, when, what, where, why and how. I was speaking with a friend today and told her that I really feel like I can handle anything, I just have to know… Ha!
I just remembered, as I’m typing, a Christmas letter I sent out in 2001… I remember writing to a former pastor’s wife that I still am in contact that I was excited about a possible ministry opportunity we were pursuing… That possibility was about 20 back. Sometimes I think, okay, are we really that flaky that we don’t know what we’re doing and we haven’t know for about 8 years…
No, not really… looking back we’ve been exactly where God has placed us… We’re in the training grounds. There have been days, weeks, and months that we have wanted to flee, but we’ve learned lessons. There have been times when we’ve felt abandoned, yet God provided a reminder of those that love us and remain at our sides. There are many times we envy another person’s job in the ministry and think how cool that must be, then God allowed us the priveledge of seeing 4 or 5 children baptized within weeks of each other. It was easy to be disappointed when a job fell through that we felt such peace about, I still don’t understand, but I know I can rest in the One that does…
I wish I knew what my address would be and where we’ll be serving this year… but unfortunately I don’t… Father, fortify my heart, mind, soul and strength, for this continued pilgrimage. I want to be used by You. I want to be a worthy second-fiddle for my husband – a compliment to his calling, never a detriment.